Gentle Remonstrance
Advising parents when they err, but with gentleness and persistence.
Xiao doesn't mean blind obedience. When parents err, the child should gently advise them. If they don't listen, remain respectful, persist, but do not resent them.
When advising parents, be gentle. If they don't listen, remain respectful and don't abandon the effort.
Filial piety allows for moral correction of parents.
Analects
Written about in
- What Confucianism says about family
Xiao is not obedience. When parents are in the wrong the child is expected to say so, gently and more than once, and without letting it curdle into resentment.
- What Confucianism says about what to say and what to leave unsaid
The hardest case: when parents err, the child advises them gently, and if unheard, stays respectful, persists, and does not resent. Filial piety is explicitly not obedience here — but the instruction also gives the erring parent no deadline and the child no exit.