Lo Tikom — The Prohibition of Revenge
The Torah's prohibition of revenge and bearing grudges — and its replacement by the commandment to love one's neighbor — is one of the most psychologically challenging ethical demands in the entire tradition.
Leviticus 19:18: 'You shall not take revenge (lo tikom), nor bear any grudge (lo titor) against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself — I am the Lord.' The Talmud illustrates revenge and grudge-bearing with a precise distinction: if you ask to borrow my scythe and I refuse, and the next day you ask me to borrow your scythe and I comply but say 'Unlike you who refused me' — that is bearing a grudge. If I refuse and say 'Unlike you who refused me' — that is revenge. Both are prohibited; both are replaced by the positive commandment to love. The Musar tradition identifies the capacity to let go of offense as one of the most important and most difficult character traits to develop — requiring the combination of genuine forgiveness (not performed tolerance), a healthy ego that is not threatened by slights, and the theological conviction that God's justice makes human revenge unnecessary.
You shall not take revenge, nor bear any grudge — but you shall love your neighbor as yourself.
The Talmud (Yoma 23a) draws a precise line between revenge (nekama) and bearing a grudge (netira): revenge is refusing a favor to one who once refused you; a grudge is granting the favor while adding 'see, I am not like you' — and the Torah forbids even that subtler, spoken resentment.
Torah
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- What Judaism says about forgiveness
The Talmud draws the line with two neighbours and a scythe: refusing to lend and saying "unlike you, who refused me" is revenge; lending and saying it is bearing a grudge. Both are banned by the same verse that commands loving your neighbour, which makes letting go of an offence a legal obligation rather than a mood you wait for.